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I started wearing makeup wen I was 11 or 12. I woke up one morning, smudged thick black eyeliner along my lower lash line, and was humiliated at school when crowded by a bunch of dumb boys who chanted "Emilie's wearing makeup!" The next day I didn't wear any makeup, and a popular girl - attempting to ease my anxiety - looked at me thoughtfully and said "I think you look better with makeup." After that, in my mind I was being brave for smearing on cheap sparkly green eyeshadow that fell all over my cheeks and waking up extra early to coat my lashes with clear mascara that didn't actually do anything. Then, makeup became a force of habit, and much like many young women, I became more embarrassed when I wasn't "enhancing" my natural beauty. After an on-and-off again relationship with makeup, going an entire semester of college without it finally taught me where my confidence really comes from.
Time and time again, Youtubers post videos where they say if makeup gives them confidence, they're going to wear it and it's nobody's business. As true as this is, could it be possible that something making you less ecstatic about your actual face is more like a mask than a confidence booster? If you're looking for a lasting confidence booster, makeup is more of a quick-fix (well, depending on how long it takes you to put it on and how good your setting spray is). While I typically do think I look more up to par with today's beauty standards when I clump on mascara and warm up my skin tone with bronzer, wearing makeup every day freshman year of high school made me pick apart my face, not love it more. At some point, coming to the conclusion that faces really can't change that much and my flaws could never be 'fixed' with cosmetic surgery anyway, I just had to accept myself for the pixie-faced ginger that I still am. After that acceptance, it only took one day of me oversleeping and attending class without makeup for me to realize how less anxious I was without it.
Without makeup, you're free to show the world your face without wondering if they could tell you put an hour of effort into it that morning. Without eyeshadow meant to make your eyes pop, you no longer stress over whether or not your classmates find your eyes appealing. Oddly enough, not wearing makeup that day senior year of high school made me feel less pretty, and therefore less concerned about whether or not anyone was staring at me and judging my appearance. I felt more carefree. This was my face; small round eyes, dark red eyelashes, blue under-eye circles, flushed complexion, round cheeks and all. I cracked more jokes, I focused more on the lecture, and I felt more like me than I had in a long time.
Of course, this didn't last long, and I once again found myself fixated on longer lashes and and bigger-looking eyes. Halfway through my sophomore year of college, I challenged myself to go without makeup for an entire semester. I didn't want to care so much about being pretty. My allergies had become insane anyway, and I was watering off all of my artistic work, so why should I put my eyes through that? I decided I would be more vigilant about my skincare routine and drinking water, only wearing a tinted moisturizer with SPF. Every day I felt more and more beautiful in my natural appearance, and my skin was glowing within weeks.
I wasn't looking for the attention, and while it didn't change my mind about anything, I did take note of comments made to me about my appearance during that time. One friend I'd made that semester drunkenly told me how "impressed" he was that I didn't wear makeup, and that he admired me for it. I rolled my eyes but thanked him. Another friend asked me every other day why I'd stopped wearing it. I shrugged and asked why he cared so much. Another friend I'd made in class - who is a celebrity, by the way. He's had regular appearances on Modern Family... kinda neat - approached me one day on campus and said "Listen, I'm gay, so I'm not hitting on you, but you are stunning." My parents also laughed when they saw me over spring break, saying my skin was so pristine, it was like they were looking at their six-year-old daughter again.
Now, whenever I start feeling that itch that I only like myself with makeup, I go a week without it. There are more important things to worry about than whether or not another person thinks your face is worth staring at. In fact, I challenge all makeup wearers and lovers to give this experiment a go, giving their face the love and break it deserves. You may find that taking time apart from the mirror helps you stop worrying so much about your reflection, and instead more about how you speak to others or how well you develop your talents. The fact is, 99% of the population can pick apart their face in seconds. Even if you think you're friend is an idiot for their fixation on their eye bags or hooded eye, someone thinks you're a nut for your fixation on the size of your nose or the length of your forehead.
When you aren't worrying about dressing up your face so much, you might find it easier to focus on how you take care of your body, spirit and mind instead. That was what naturally came to me during my experiment - suddenly I had cleared up space for more important things than anxiety about other's thoughts concerning my face. If you think you're attractive, and you like yourself, it's a lot easier to trick people into thinking you are beautiful by today's beauty standards.
Now, sure I wear makeup when I want to look more professional for work or pretty for a girl's night out. But mostly, I do it because it's a form of self-expression. I like to be creative. That, and I have spent a pretty hefty amount of dough on my beautiful collection, and I'm not about to let that go to waste. I still love making my face look glow-sweaty with highlighter and facial mists, and looking fiercer with a flick of eyeliner. But at the end of the day, my face is my face and I like it. I don't think it's perfect or stunning or pretty even, but I like it. I make sure she knows that every time I finger gun the mirror after washing her at night. Maybe start with that, and see how it goes.
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